Let’s talk a little bit about your emotional efficiency. That may sound very left brainy to you, but actually, emotions come from a very rational part of our grey matter.
My brain has become a self healing system. This new positive program runs all the time. I woke up tense this morning, and until I got to the subway, everything was fluid again. While I was making my bed, preparing my food, walking in the streets, and paying for my monthly transportation card, I was in a little grey and cloudy zone. The program I taught myself these last years, scans my body and mind for spots of tension (not letting go of even the tiniest one), and questions my neurons until it finds the button to release and bring in peace.
What is it that I need or that my ego needs to let go of ?
That is THE question.
Emotions are there to act like a GPS and tell us what needs to be done so our lives can get better. But most of us were not taught how to read into them. Here is how you can start using the best happiness tool gifted to us by Mother Nature.
As I may have written before in my french articles, this is what your emotions are trying to tell you, and I think every human being on earth should learn about this :
- Joy = Follow the things you enjoy, they respond to your needs, and to your true potential, to your personal path of success and fulfilment. If you love being in some kind of place, ask yourself what it is, precisely, that you enjoy in those moments. That is a great clue to what you should spend more time doing in your life.
- Anger = Defend your territory, and get others to respect you. If you felt anger in a conversation, it means you need to tell those people about what you you want and what you will not accept. In order to do so, you must know the answers to these questions yourself. Do you know what you want ?
- Fear = Survive, protect yourself, seek for help, get stronger, or run. Fear tells you that you are not prepared for a given situation, or under-informed. For instance, if you fear a job interview, it may mean that you haven’t decided about what you expect from this opportunity, or that you don’t know what the mission requires, or maybe that you actually know that you don’t have the skills they ask for. What are you putting yourself through? Could you be nicer to yourself and save your energy ? Or maybe, you’re feeling anxious about the terrorism attacks that happened in the world. Did you try self defence courses to feel safer and in control ? What did you do to feel better ? Or are you convinced nothing can be done, and that the world is a crappy place. Does that really help in any way ? Express your feelings. Don’t judge them. Define them, until you can translate them into actions driven by love instead of fear.
- Sadness = Take the time to digest the event you did not wish for, and to accept life as it is, in order to make peace with it before you can move on. Let go of trying to control everything. Take care of yourself, and give yourself love. Allow yourself alone moments, and moments of receiving love from people you feel safe with. Did the person you loved decide to leave you? Are you telling yourself these things only happen to you? Is it true? Does this thought really help you? Or is it just life happening. Was that person really the kind of person that brings more joy, peace and freedom into our life ?
Personal return on emotion, in the way I want to use it, means that you recognize what you are feeling, and ask yourself what it may be telling you about your needs.
A good return on emotion means that you could determine the action it is asking for, instead of letting the emotion turn into a state of frustrated ego that keeps generating negative thoughts, unfulfilled desires and loss of belief.
You may feel sad, angry or anxious very often and not even know why. If you can not do sole mind-mapping and find the source-event that generated your emotions, it may be because what you are experiencing is not a true emotion, but a socially inherited feeeling. Your parents may still be wearing the negative energy of the past on their shoulders, and they may unwillingly have passed it on to you.
If your are feeling any useless emotions, that do not tell you what you can do/change to improve your life (without asking other to change so you can be happier/ classic victim attitude from the Karpmann Triangle), than, you could free yourself from it by exploring the feeling. What is it that you do too much or not enough ?
I got annoyed with a girl a some while ago at a conference. I thought she was being “miss know it all”. When I analysed the situation, a few hours later, I realized I was also being a miss know-it-all in the debate with her. Our ego’s were clashing. As soon as I realized that and had a good laugh about it, the tension went away. I didn’t judge myself, because if I had, I would have felt even worse by acknowledging the source of the pain. I would have felt bad about myself, but our unconscious behaviours do not define us. We are all learners. At each of these scans, we get to know what makes us happy and what doesn’t better. As days pass on, knowing more than others is less an less important to me.
If you are willing to download this positive program to your brain as well, I will advice you to watch or listen to comedy specials. I watch at least 2 comedy specials on Netflix each week, the ones that laugh with love and acceptance at our disfunctioning behaviours, not the ones that make judgy fun about other people. I love Chris D’elia, Illiza Schlessinger, Baby Cobra, Fluffy Show, Russel Howard, John Mulaney, Joe Mande’s, Jen Kirkman, and soooooo many others.
Nothing is done forever. The good news: things will get better if you want them to, and believe they can.
People who know me, notice how much my life has changed in the past years, and I keep finding « 404 errors » each day as I scan myself for tensions. I have a lot of fun with my imperfections and my inner Tazmanian devil that goes crazy sometimes, and I feel more peaceful and closer to my potential as days go by. You can do that as well. Focus on your will, and look for the tools you need, and laugh. Laugh often, from your heart, and laugh a lot.